Maybe Someone Should Market It This Way . . .

 

 

 

 

 

PERSONAL LUBRICANT:

 

 

Penis Butter




90% OF YOU WILL FAIL TO BE GENIUSES

Okay.  I’ve about had it.  There are certain FB click-baits that drive me crazy.  But rather than simply rant, I will attempt to help you once and for all see how these things work (and understand that getting one of them right doesn’t actually require a “genius.”).

 

THE “MATH PROBLEM”

Example: 2 + 2 + 2 x 0 – 2 = ? 

The answer is 2.

Why? Because math problems are always done the same way, and that way is to do all the multiplication and division first, then do the addition and subtraction.  The exact order is PEMDAS, Parentheses, Exponents, Multiplication and Division, Addition and Subtraction.  It makes no difference whether you multiply or divide first as long as you do those before adding and subtracting; and it makes no difference whether you add or subtract first as long as you do them after multiplying and dividing.

I will ignore the parentheses and exponents for the moment because the common problems never include exponents (which are actually just a kind of multiplication that takes precedence) and because part of the “problem” is that they leave the parentheses out on purpose.

So in the problem given above you would do the multiplication first (2 x 0 = 0).

Now you rewrite the equation as 2 + 2 + 0 – 2 = ?  2 + 2 is 4.  4 + 0 is 4. 4 – 2 is 2.  So the answer is 2.

Since it is simply true that once you have done one of these “genius” problems you have done them all, you can now stop sharing your continually wrong answers or showing off your right answers and clogging up my FB feed. (Oops.  I promised I wouldn’t rant.  Sorry.)

 

THE “HOW MANY SQUARES OR TRIANGLES PROBLEM”

For example: Look at the following diagram.

 

How many squares are there? (Trust me, when I did this originally they were all squares, so imagine that they are all squares now, regardless of how it looks.)

Assume that the small squares are 1”x1”.  Count them.  There are 12 of them.  Remember 12.

Now, there are also some squares that are 2”x2”.  To count these you have to remember that they sometimes overlap each other and they don’t need to have all the inside lines in order to be squares, just their outside edges.  Of these, there are 7.

7 + 12 = 19.

Next, you need to count the 3”x3” squares.  Same rules apply as for the 2”x2” squares.  There are only 2 of these.  19 + 2 = 21.

Finally, there is one large 4”x4” square.  21 + 1 = 22.

So there are 22 squares.

 

It works the same way with triangles, except there are only 3 sides.  I recommend you print out a few copies of the diagram and begin counting the shapes by outlining them in red if you can’t visualize them any other way. Then just stop falling for every exactly the same puzzle that somebody with advertising to sell puts out there to hook gullible FB users. (I know.  But as I look back, not ranting wasn’t actually a promise; it was more of a casual commitment.)

 

THE “SERIES OF SIMPLE EQUATIONS CHALLENGE”

These aren’t actually math problems, but ask you to look for patterns.  Usually, the designers simply leave out one step of the series and hope you won’t notice.  For example:

2 + 3 = 25

3 + 4 = 37

4 + 5 = 49

6 + 7 = ? 

First, you’ll notice that these aren’t equations.  The “answers” are arrived at by writing down the first of the two initial numbers and then the sum of the numbers.

So 2 + 3 is solved by writing down the 2, then (since 2+3=5) writing down the 5.

You’ll notice, however, that the difference between the “answers” is 12, and the creators of the puzzle hope you’ll be distracted by this and not notice that they skipped 5 + 6.

So just do the “equation” you’re given: 6 + 7 = (6, then 13) 613. 

Since most everyone can, in fact, do the “math” involved, it really doesn’t require a genius to solve these tricks.  Just look for the pattern, look for the trick, and do it all in your head or on a separate piece of paper. 

 

Then keep it to yourself.  I don’t need to know that you “solved” it, or that you got 9 out of ten answers on that quiz that “90%” will fail at. (You do know that these people pull those percentages out of their . . . hats . . .  that’s what I was going to say . . . hats . . . right?)

 

(As I reflect further, I realize that not ranting wasn’t so much of a commitment as a sort of preamble to the essay; a way of saying that I wouldn’t “simply” rant, but would offer explanations also.  I feel that I have done that.  You’re welcome.)